Visceral Attraction 02/17/2016

I’m a simple person, for the most part. I either see a person instantly and am attracted to them and know I want to have sex with them, maybe more (usually never) or I become friends with a guy and grow somewhat of an romantic attraction leading to something more than friends.
I never really felt instant spark you hear from people talking about their significant others or let’s be cliche the movies. Except twice. The first has faded into some twisted fantasy of what if’s, a road I don’t like to revisit.
So let’s don’t. This is fresh, this is new. It was you.
I step outside feeling the rush of heat hit my body. But the beauty took me over, different colored tulips, the smell of english lavender, and the endless variety of roses. I took over for my older coworker hoping to stay there but I knew eventually I would have to go back and smell dirty contractors, freshly cut lumber, rotting plants, and paint.
I got lost out in garden. It was the only place where the customers didn’t seem to hate their life and when I didn’t hate my job. I have been there for over a year and it never got old to me. I was looking at the new things Color Spot had brought: azaleas, zonal geraniums, pansies, and bacopa. But I saw you. You had your back turned to me, a mystery I had to solve. So I burned a hole through your back and you turned around.
I saw your face and I will never properly explain how I felt. I just felt instantly and hard. Sensations that I felt at my fingertips, that made bile rise up in my throat. You made eye contact with me and I quickly looked away. It didn’t help you came up to me. You took the glove off your right hand and wiped the sweat off on your thigh. You held your hand out to me and I took it, still feeling little beads of sweat. I barely remember the conversation other than I didn’t know what quite to say and when you walked away my cheeks were painted pink.
Not knowing how to take my rush of emotions, not knowing if I should acknowledge them at all. Fear still running rampant, now more than ever.

Author: hmalcorn

Hannah Marie. 25. Southern California.

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