Random Thoughts on a Sunday Afternoon

  • I have deleted my Instagram mostly because I can’t stand my in laws looking at my shit. I don’t miss it though. I have my blog and twitter and I know strangers read my blog or my twitter but somehow I feel more comfort in that than people I know.
  • I’ve been watching this youtube Vice documentary on gangs in El Salvador and I think it’s weird when a person gets murdered and these journalist want to interview their family right after it happens. I think for the most part it’s exploitive than anything else.
  • Lately I have felt beautiful and sexy in my skin. It’s weird and I don’t know where this confidence has come from but I hope it doesn’t go away.
  • I feel better. I haven’t smoked weed or eaten edibles in three days and I haven’t felt like I needed it. I guess this is improvement my friends.
  • I still haven’t heard anything from ASU and I’m starting to feel anxious I might just go to community college for now. I was thinking of cosmetology school because I like the idea of just doing a program, you don’t have to pick out classes or what not, and start a career. I feel like college was really a unguided, unnecessary hard, experience for me. With that being said I’m not a huge fan of the beauty community though.
  • I have been looking into cults lately because I read this crazy article about this cult at Sarah Lawerence college. I can’t help but think about this girl I use to talk to at Panera Bread. One day I confided in her that I didn’t know what I was doing in my life and she said that she has a mentor that could help me get out of debt and retire by thirty. I told her no thanks but it makes me wonder if she was just part of a pyramid scheme or part of a cult or maybe both.
  • Jaime and I are really good right now. I hate that whenever there seems to be some tension or a problem, I feel like the relationship is coming to an end. I think I have abandonment issues.
  • I have been really trying to work through my rage lately. I don’t know how I will resolve the grudges that I’m holding on to. I just hope that I do because I realize it’s not good for me to have so much rage in me. It honestly makes me sick.
  • I forgot to mention that I was part of a wedding a few weeks ago. I’m happy for my friend and I glad she is happy. With that being said, I will never be part of anyone’s wedding again. I wanted to share a few photos.

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 25

Day 25- Your Biggest Regret

I think we all have things in life we wished we did differently. I honestly can say I probably don’t have any regrets. I like the person I am now and if I didn’t fuck up a couple times I wouldn’t be who I am.

So I’m sticking to it. No Regrets!

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 22

Day 22- Your Worst Habits

  • Smoking weed
  • Eating too much fast food
  • Staying in bed too much
  • Never staying with one interest for too long
  • Drinking (although I cut my drinking drastically)
  • Forgetting to eat
  • Not wearing socks
  • Never working out
  • Petty
  • Avoiding the doctors

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 21

Day 21- What makes you sad?

  • People who die because of not having health care
  • Homelessness knowing there are many vacant homes
  • Food waste
  • Capitalism
  • Racism
  • Sexism
  • Transphobia
  • Homophobia
  • Classism
  • America not having great public transportation when the technology is there
  • Politics
  • Islamphobia
  • Ageism
  • Lack of worker’s right
  • Price of education
  • Fascism
  • White supremacy
  • Governments poisoning their own people (Flint and many other American cities)
  • Mass incarceration
  • The slave markets America created in Libya.
  • Police brutality
  • Justifying conservative bullshit
  • Imperialism

There are a lot I’m probably missing but these are a few things that make me sad.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 11

Day 11: Top 10 Favorite Foods

This is really hard because I do have a bad relationship with food. Also the foods I like always tend to change. I’m going to try my best at this.

1. Fish tacos

Lately this is literally all I’ve wanted to eat. I don’t even like seafood much because I worked at a seafood restaurant for about three years and it fucked with my mind. I’m slowly have been recovering but at the moment I fucking love fish tacos and have ate them at least twice this week.

2. In N Out

I have a sick obsession. I have been trying to eat a little better lately. I had a revelation that I need to take better care of myself not just to be skinny or whatever but for the sake of my health but I still eat In N Out like once a week at least.

3. Sushi

I love it all. I even love bad sushi. I want it all.

4. Rice

Everything goes with rice. I always want rice. I’ve always been this way.

5. Meat Pies

I don’t know why but I love about any meat pie. Chicken pot pie. Shepherds pie. I know it’s considered “old people’s” food but I don’t care it’s really good.

6. Big Macs

I haven’t been eating McDonald’s as much I use to but nothing is more Americana and classic than a Big Mac. I hadn’t eaten McDonald is a good few months but I got high enough the other day to eat one.

7.Edibles

I don’t know if this one really counts but I count on edibles for my sanity or I would just be an angry bitch all the time.

8. Hot Dogs

I absolutely love hot dogs. I don’t know what it is. I don’t eat them very much but if they serving hot dogs at a party, you bet your ass I’m eating one.

9. Menudo

Always down for menudo. Never can say no.

10. Cinnamon rolls

I don’t really like sweets like that but I crave cinnamon rolls all the time. I’m going to say it’s my favorite sweet of all time.

Y’all really don’t understand that this took forever to write but this is my list! What is your favorite food. Comment down below! (My faux YouTube personality is coming thru!!!)

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 8

Day 8: Five Current Goals

1. Write Everyday!

I’ve been trying to do this forever but I think it’s really important for me. I would like something published in my life and I really need to clean up my writing if that is ever going to happen. So I need to practice.

2. Read Everyday

This largely has to do with my writing but I also have a thirst for knowledge. I just love being a smart ass though.

3. Pay my debts

I have come to the conclusion I don’t need much to live and be happy. I just want to pay all the debts I have. Probably save to build my own home and be good for the rest of my life working small part time jobs never having to worry that I’m not going to make rent or credit card bills and etc. My husband and I even talked about getting burner phones to get rid of our phone bills.

4. Save

I mentioned that my husband and I want to take a long ass trip for three months and travel all across America. The past few months have been rough though, so we haven’t talked about it much. We have been in survival mode but since I have a job it should be a lot easier to save but my husband and I love to splurge from time to time but I think we have gotten better.

5. Buy a laptop!

I think this one is the most underrated but it’s necessary. If I ever want to go back to school, I need a laptop. It would be very beneficial to my writing and etc. I think I should be able to do this next month hopefully!