Whew my friends life has been rough and beautiful at the same time.
Yesterday was my birthday and I didn’t do much other than go to a brewery, get drunk and then pass out. Jaime and I went to Rosarito on Monday for my birthday which was really nice.
Jaime and I were in a rough spot for a couple of weeks. We haven’t been seeing eye to eye. It was nice having the time to talk and spend time together. It almost felt like falling in love in the beginning but better because we already know each other. No bullshit.
I just want to say that I really love Mexico and forgot how much I loved Mexico. It’s not even that far, about a two hour drive. My family use to go to Mexico all the time when I was younger. We stopped going when the whole cartel situation got really bad.
Anyway the rough stuff is Hemet isn’t really working out. I do like Hemet and I think all the shit talking about it is blatant classism. I also don’t live in a bad area. Is there a lot of homelessness where I live? Yes but I literally forgot to lock my door and left it wide open for hours and not one thing was stolen.
Hemet isn’t working out because roommates. I just have a problem with people who don’t hold themselves at the same standard. I understand she stressed or whatever but it’s been constant lately and I’m honestly over it after the shit she pulled yesterday. I told Jaime I don’t want to live here anymore and that’s it. I already talked to my mom and it’s done.
It was my birthday yesterday and for the most part I don’t care if people forget or what not but my in-laws didn’t say a word to me. I’m done trying to be okay with their blatant disrespect. It’s not like this is the only thing they have done to me. Every family event, they never include me and say “oh we didn’t know she was coming.” Jaime and I have been married almost a year and I have been a significant person in his life for three years and it seems to be getting worse and not better and I have came to a conclusion that I don’t need that in my life. I have stayed so neutral and kind because of Jaime but I can’t do it anymore.
I won’t put up with bullshit anymore. I’m too old and bitter for it.
The rose tinted glasses
And I’m confronted
With my hopes and dreams
That have been grinded
But can you call it that
When you are the only one giving up?
Sometimes I can’t help to think
What we did was premature
We haven’t even know each other for two years
It’s still drives me crazy that you never fold your clothes
I know it drives you crazy that I never cook anything. I’ll starve myself before I’ll cook.
Also I have my own insecurities
I don’t know if I want to go back to school.
I don’t know if I just want to sell all my shit and just hit the road.
But every time I look into your eyes,
You are the only thing I have ever been sure of.
I’ve always wanted to get married. Ever since I was a little girl I fantasized about it. When I got older I was hooked on all the wedding shows you could think of and also had my wedding planned to the T. I think that’s one of the reason I stayed with my ex so long because he bought me a promise ring and we would always talk about getting married. I knew it wasn’t working but I also thought marriage would change that. (Yikes!)
I still want to get married someday even though I view it differently. The only reason I bring this up because one of my boyfriend’s cousin is getting married and we are invited. I’m truly excited because even though I don’t see marriages on a pedestal like I use to, I still love weddings and I haven’t been to one in forever. The last one I was invited to one was from a man I was truly infactuated by. I didn’t go for obvious reasons and their marriage didn’t work out.
My boyfriend and I went to Bed Bath and Beyond to look at their wedding registry and buy them a gift. A selection of overpriced wine glasses, salt and pepper shakers, blenders, and etc. It seems a little silly to me but there I was buying $40 wine glasses. I hope them the best honestly.
Being at Bed Bath and Beyond I realize how much I need a coffee maker. I think I spent on a average seven dollars a day (honestly my boyfriend does) on a Starbucks coffee and breakfast sandwich and in all honestly isn’t that great. I need coffee though.
I went to The Press Expresso in Temecula CA. It’s hard to find something that isn’t fucking Starbucks in the area. It’s a cute little place. I got a butterscotch cold brew and a honey lavender cheesecake. The coffee didn’t taste like butterscotch at all and it was almost $5 but I was big fan of the cheesecake.
Also I went shopping yesterday for the first time in forever (for a dress for the wedding but I also was steering away from it a little) I have some body issues that stir from when I was a kid and yesterday I kinda felt good about my body. Sometimes I do sometimes I don’t. It’s mostly don’t. Either way I’m still on the hunt to find a dress.