Wednesday Afternoon

Whew my friends life has been rough and beautiful at the same time.

Yesterday was my birthday and I didn’t do much other than go to a brewery, get drunk and then pass out. Jaime and I went to Rosarito on Monday for my birthday which was really nice.

Jaime and I were in a rough spot for a couple of weeks. We haven’t been seeing eye to eye. It was nice having the time to talk and spend time together. It almost felt like falling in love in the beginning but better because we already know each other. No bullshit.

I just want to say that I really love Mexico and forgot how much I loved Mexico. It’s not even that far, about a two hour drive. My family use to go to Mexico all the time when I was younger. We stopped going when the whole cartel situation got really bad.

Anyway the rough stuff is Hemet isn’t really working out. I do like Hemet and I think all the shit talking about it is blatant classism. I also don’t live in a bad area. Is there a lot of homelessness where I live? Yes but I literally forgot to lock my door and left it wide open for hours and not one thing was stolen.

Hemet isn’t working out because roommates. I just have a problem with people who don’t hold themselves at the same standard. I understand she stressed or whatever but it’s been constant lately and I’m honestly over it after the shit she pulled yesterday. I told Jaime I don’t want to live here anymore and that’s it. I already talked to my mom and it’s done.

It was my birthday yesterday and for the most part I don’t care if people forget or what not but my in-laws didn’t say a word to me. I’m done trying to be okay with their blatant disrespect. It’s not like this is the only thing they have done to me. Every family event, they never include me and say “oh we didn’t know she was coming.” Jaime and I have been married almost a year and I have been a significant person in his life for three years and it seems to be getting worse and not better and I have came to a conclusion that I don’t need that in my life. I have stayed so neutral and kind because of Jaime but I can’t do it anymore.

I won’t put up with bullshit anymore. I’m too old and bitter for it.

Daily Prompt: Premature

Sometimes I can’t help to think

What we did was premature

We haven’t even know each other for two years

It’s still drives me crazy that you never fold your clothes

I know it drives you crazy that I never cook anything. I’ll starve myself before I’ll cook.

Also I have my own insecurities

I don’t know if I want to go back to school.

I don’t know if I just want to sell all my shit and just hit the road.

But every time I look into your eyes,

I know

You are the only thing I have ever been sure of.

Phoenix Arizona

  • I went to Phoenix Arizona this weekend and I never thought I would love it so much. I did have a friend over a year ago tell me that it was a booming city. It’s so cute but so hot. Jaime and I decided it’s our new vacation spot. (Arizona in general)
  • I think I just like the desert aesthetic. I love Vegas, Arizona, Joshua Tree and Palm Springs.
  • I think I only really like these cities because the cost of living is cheap and there seems to be more of a community feeling and also A LOT of art. (Although were we live definitely has a good community, it’s expensive, racist and not a whole lot of art action out here)
  • We stayed in the cutest tiny home in Phoenix and I think it almost convince Jaime to jump on that tiny home train.
  • I somehow manage to maintain my sanity and composure with Jaime’s family. They are still upset about the elopement and I’m still upset too. Jaime made me feel a little better when he said he was kinda mad too.
  • I need another job desperately. I don’t want to go to school unless that’s all I have to do. Yes, it’s inspiring when you hear those stories of people who go to work full time and go to school full time and even have kids and still manage to get their degree but that’s not a life I want to live. My job pays the bills and I still have money to play around with. Not as much as I like but my life is great. It really is. I just hate the management and company morale of my job.
  • I say this all the time but I want to focus more on doing art and such but seriously. It’s been a long time since I focused on myself. Yes I just got married but at the end of the day we are still two separate people and I need to keep doing things I love.
  • I need to stop smoking weed because it’s starting to become a problem (with finding a job) I don’t know a better way to control my anxiety and anger though.
  • Being married is weird. Everything still feels the same just more sex and I have a different last name.
  • I really wish I could start my own business but I honestly don’t know where to start. I am really tired of working for other people. I need to do some research.
  • Follow me on Instagram: be_your_own_3am

I got married

I got married 04/19/2018 and it still doesn’t feel real. I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with Jaime you don’t even understand. It feels so fucking surreal. We eloped and it honestly was the best decision for us. Surprisingly my parents were understanding, Jaime’s family especially his mom not too much. I will never understand how they feel but I just see it as them making our marriage about them. I know it’s a big moment but at the end of the day it’s about us. I’m trying not to let this whole situation ruin the magic that I’m feeling but it’s hard. I deactivated my social media because I’m avoiding until the time comes to face it. I’ll never understand why people can’t be happy for you but it is what it is. I’m happy and in love and that all I need right now.

Marriage, Coffee, and Shopping. 

I’ve always wanted to get married. Ever since I was a little girl I fantasized about it. When I got older I was hooked on all the wedding shows you could think of and also had my wedding planned to the T. I think that’s one of the reason I stayed with my ex so long because he bought me a promise ring and we would always talk about getting married. I knew it wasn’t working but I also thought marriage would change that. (Yikes!) 

I still want to get married someday even though I view it differently. The only reason I bring this up because one of my boyfriend’s cousin is getting married and we are invited. I’m truly excited because even though I don’t see marriages on a pedestal like I use to, I still love weddings and I haven’t been to one in forever. The last one I was invited to one was from a man I was truly infactuated by. I didn’t go for obvious reasons and their marriage didn’t work out.

My boyfriend and I went to Bed Bath and Beyond to look at their wedding registry and buy them a gift. A selection of overpriced wine glasses, salt and pepper shakers, blenders, and etc. It seems a little silly to me but there I was buying $40 wine glasses.  I hope them the best honestly.

Being at Bed Bath and Beyond I realize how much I need a coffee maker. I think I spent on a average seven dollars a day (honestly my boyfriend does) on a Starbucks coffee and breakfast sandwich and in all honestly isn’t that great. I need coffee though. 

I went to The Press Expresso in Temecula CA. It’s hard to find something that isn’t fucking Starbucks in the area. It’s a cute little place. I got a butterscotch cold brew and a honey lavender cheesecake. The coffee didn’t taste like butterscotch at all and it was almost $5 but I was big fan of the cheesecake. 

Also I went shopping yesterday for the first time in forever (for a dress for the wedding but I also was steering away from it a little) I have some body issues that stir from when I was a kid and yesterday I kinda felt good about my body. Sometimes I do sometimes I don’t. It’s mostly don’t. Either way I’m still on the hunt to find a dress.