Day 28- Most embarrassing moment
I have a lot to be honest. I think my most embarrassing moment is in middle school.
I had a huge crush on this guy. It was like an obsession to be honest. The only thing was he had a girlfriend. That didn’t stop me though. I wrote him a love letter and had my friends give it to him. The next day his girlfriend told me my letter was cute. I still haven’t recovered.
My friends I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I walked out of my work Half Baked style. I didn’t cuss at anyone. I just grab everything from my locker, took my name tag off, clocked out and left.
I really couldn’t take it anymore. I really tried but it wasn’t worth it. I was seeing my mental health going down the drain and the whole point of moving to Hemet and starting a new job was to improve on it. It’s only gotten worse since I have left Murrieta but I think I’m really starting to see some sunshine in my life.
I applied to school for real. It’s a big amount but I can’t go on working at these shitty places. I need to focus on myself and I guess my education. I hate playing into this silly system but it has to be done. I’m just not excited about the expenses.
My anniversary is coming up and considering my friend is getting married a day after our anniversary, we can’t really do anything on the actual date. This upcoming Monday, we are going glamping in a yurt in Carlsbad. I’m pretty excited. I swear I’m always stressing but I always find the time and somehow the money to get away.
Like the other day I went to San Clemente. It’s a pretty boring beach town if you ask me but it’s still pretty. I did go to this amazing book store and bought too many books. Three on the French Revolution, one on drugs and corruption, one of the Wall Street crash and a David Sedaris’s book. Also had a good time at Pizza Port. For some reason I was convinced I didn’t like their beer but I’m a fan.
This weekend I don’t have much planned but on Sunday I’m going to the Millennium tour in LA and I’m so excited. I’m going with my cousins and for some reason I get anxiety when thinking about hanging out with my family. I mean shit everything gives me anxiety.
My brother sent me a letter the other day and it was such a shitty day and I’m just so glad that he’s alive. I’m being dramatic but it’s so weird to have someone you care about not be so far away but you can’t really communicate with them.
I’m a mess my friends but things are looking up, I promise.
Day 27- What’s in your closet?
I just want people to know this is really hard to showcase because I’m kinda of a shopaholic. I also dress very eccentric. I do have my off days where I dress plain but I did get a small picture of my closet where you can see a bunch of different textures and colors. (my iPhone camera is so messed up is not even funny anymore)
Work has been interesting lately. I did need the time off for sure because the bullshit that has been happening has been odd.
I keep getting into these weird political conversations with people.
I had a customer who had a shirt that said Mussolini is my hero. I kept staring at it because who the fuck wears something like that? That’s crazy. He asked me if I knew who Mussolini was. I said yes the literal inventor of fascism (Hitler’s biggest inspiration. I didn’t say this part but I should have) This customer comes in all the time, now he avoids my line. We talked a little more about it and he ended the conversation with “I didn’t know people still knew history.”
I had another customer who talked to me about the situation in Venezuela. I never ever at work say my opinion about politics but this one slipped out. I told him that America should let Venezuela figure it out on their own, we don’t need to interfere. I’m tired of people dying for no reason. I think he may of gotten offended but we don’t need another Vietnam.
I was talking to my manager for a little bit about these weird occurrences. I didn’t go into detail but she went on to tell me one of the regulars won’t talk to her because she voted for Trump. I honestly didn’t need to know that. Y’all know how I feel about that. I won’t treat her differently because its work and I don’t buy into that shit that my coworkers are family. That is abusive.
My coworkers are talking behind my back. I already knew this but I got a confirmation from another coworker. I think it slipped out for him but it’s cool because at least I know I can trust him.
It really hasn’t been that bad because although it sucks not having a good relationship with who you work with it’s whatever. I have a goal to save and although I want to quit, why let them win? Not everyone is going to like me and that’s fine. It took me awhile to realize this but I’m there now.
Day 24: What Attracts You (In Love)
I have only been legitimately in love twice in my life. I don’t fall in love easily because I don’t take most men seriously. I loved these two people for different reasons so I’ll explain each one.
My first love: I fell in love because he was a huge romantic. My relationship was a lot of grand gestures. One of the biggest ones he did was set up a whole scavenger hunt around San Francisco and all the places had a meaning. It was really sweet considering we were broken up at the time. I liked how smart he was. It’s been awhile but that’s all I can think of why I loved him. Maybe that’s why we didn’t last. I do want to get this out of the way, whoever said your first love is your best love was full of shit or lucky. I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted though.
My second love (my husband): My husband isn’t super romantic, the biggest grand gesture was proposing to me on top of the Rockefeller’s center. I love how affectionate he is. Always kisses me when we see each other after a long time away from each other and always kisses me goodbye. He always holds my hand. He always sit on my side of the booth at restaurants. He’s my very best friend. I can tell him anything. There’s nothing that comes to my mind that I can’t tell him. I have never felt that with anyone. I love his laugh. I love his touch. I guess it best to say I just love him, flaws and all.
Things seem to be looking up a little.
I don’t hate work as much I use to, mostly because my coworkers deadass don’t talk to me. It’s fine. (Mostly because I don’t talk to them either) At first it bothered me because I feel kinda lonely but it’s fine. I rather not speak to anyone then having drama for no fucking reason. Also a customer brought me tacos which was really nice like I can’t get over it. I am starting to get a little feisty with customers because some of them have been playing too much with me.
I got a letter from my brother. It really made my day. I really needed it to be honest because I feel for awhile I have been out of my mind and just sad. It’s the birthday blues I tell ya! Also for the fact that I feel so out of control and everything in my life sucks. I’m just dramatic but it’s been hard these past few weeks.
Today is my last day of work. I took a whole week off. I didn’t work that much either because I have been sick but a full time job is a little too much job for me.
I’m excited for my birthday! Jaime and I are going to go to Mexico. (I changed my mind on LA) We are going to the beach in Rosarito and I haven’t been there since I was a kid but I’m a little nervous because it’s spring break time and I hate a crowd, especially a college party crowd.
I turn 26 on this up and coming Tuesday and it never fails that the days leading to my birthday tend to be hard.
I have felt better since The last time I wrote. I haven’t worked much because I have been very sick. So being at home hasn’t been hard but my husband and I haven’t been linking together lately. I guess it happens sometimes.
I keep forgetting that my birthday is coming up. I honestly could careless. I haven’t planned anything other than LA with Jaime.
Jaime also bought this red dress I liked in forever 21.
I love it. It makes me feel like a rich white woman. If you ever seen the documentary Paris Is Burning, you know that is the aesthetic.
I’m suppose to be part of one of my friends wedding next month and whew. It hasn’t been bad until a whole dress fiasco. I still don’t feel right about it. She also made me feel some type of way when she said my dress was cute (I had to post it for the gram) and asked why I bought it for? I won’t go into detail but it really makes me question our friendship over a fucking dress.
Anyway I have actually have seen my parents recently. They were gone for awhile. My dad was in Mexico City and my mom went all over Central America. They both brought me some nice goodies. I bought some primer to help my mom paint her house. I have made it my goal to help her makeover the house one day out of the week, every week.
Some small random tidbits but I was around Murrieta the last few days and there has been a beautiful migration of butterflies. I don’t remember the last time I saw so many butterflies. I don’t know if I should be scared though. (*insert an ironic lol)
Another thing is my last post was on education and isn’t it wild how I was talking about education and class and this whole college scandal came out! Am I surprised? Obviously not but at least it’s in the mainstream media. I’m not super confident of actual consequences though.