I have written about it but not really in detail because it is something that still hurts to think about.
It happened about a year ago.
My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for about six months. For awhile I really didn’t think I could get pregnant. I didn’t even know I was pregnant because I was bleeding the month I found out I was pregnant. It was lighter than usual so I decided to take a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. I downplayed the bleeding as implantation bleeding because it was so light
I was really excited but scared at the same time. I was already shopping for things at baby r us and a boutique in Laguna Beach. I didn’t tell anyone but a few friends and my mom just in case something happened and something happened.
I was at work one day and I went to the bathroom and when I got up there was a lot of blood. I started to freak out. I told my managers that I had to leave and Jaime picked me up to go to the ER.
I go to the ER and I get an ultrasound and a transvaginal. One thing that upset me is the doctor in the ER was going to send me home before he got the results from the transvaginal. I was told that the doctor thought I was having a miscarriage and that it was so early on that they couldn’t see the baby and it would explain the bleeding. Just before I left I saw the technician run to tell the ER doctor that she needed to speak with him. He comes to tell me I’m having a tubular pregnancy and would have to wait for the emergency OBGYN.
I waited for hours and when I say hours it was about seven. When I got to see the OBGYN, he told me already what the ER told me earlier and that I should wait a couple days to see if anything changes because sometimes tubular pregnancy are misdiagnosed.
The next day I feel pain in my pelvis and go to the ER again. They did another transvaginal. They didn’t tell me much but I was scared because they put me in a hospital bed instead of making me wait in the ER waiting room like the day before. I was there for about two hours until they told me to follow up with an OBGYN the next day.
I go to an OBGYN and he suggests that I get a shot of methotrexate which is a nice way of a saying abortion. I didn’t have much options. You can not take a zygote that is developing in your Fallopian tube and put it in a uterus. It’s just not possible. If I didn’t get the shot of methotrexate I would literally fucking die.
The OBGYN sends me to the ER (a different one but a ER none the less) yet again for the methotrexate. I was yet again sitting in a hospital bed but I had my mom and Jaime by my side. The ER doctor comes and says it looks like you are hemorrhaging and I don’t know why the OBGYN suggested you get a shot of methotrexate. I think you may have to go into surgery. He told me he was going to try and reach the OBGYN to find out why they had reached that solution.
At that point I was fucking terrified. I was sitting there for about an hour when the ER doctor comes back and says that I’m stable enough to get the shot of methotrexate. A nurse comes in to give me info and I will never forget how she treated me.
She kept telling me I was going to kill my baby if I got the shot and kept asking if I was sure if I wanted to do it. Like bitch I’m going to fucking die if I don’t! The baby won’t survive either way so what other choice do I fucking have.
I got the shot of methotrexate and the first day wasn’t bad. I was just sad. The next three days I was in so much pain I could barely move. I sat on my couch for days just watching videos, crying on and off.
After the three days, the pain waned but I still bled about a month after.
I understand that my abortion isn’t from an unwanted pregnancy or what not. I understand that most people would support my decision except the government of Ohio. I don’t feel vengeful to the women who decided to end abortions because of an unwanted pregnancy. At the end of the day it’s no one’s business but theirs. My short term pregnancy has wrecked my body and I may be infertile. Imagine what long term pregnancies do to women.
Women are not baby incubators. The sad fact is the access to information on sex is lacking especially among the youth. A large if not all responsibility of birth control is put on women and they are expected to deal with the consequences not the other way around.
When unwanted babies are born especially the pro life crowd tends to forget about them. There is approximately 443,000 kids in foster care. It’s the same crowd that blocks LBGTQ parents from adoption.
How many kids go to sleep hungry? How many kids don’t have a place to call home? How many kids has the US put kids in cages for immigration cause or profit?h (juvenile hall)
I’m so tired of the war on women’s bodies and our ability to choose what we want for our lives. When will this shit end?